A thirty year-old woman dressed in a cute skirt and sweater stands outside her apartment building trying to hail a taxi. Her hair is half styled, but wet in the back and she runs her free hand through her curls. Cat cranes her neck to look down the street and sighs heavily before turning to walk toward the avenue.
When she finally arrives at the office the place is buzzing. She works for the leading lifestyle guru, Mary Stouffer, the consummate entertainer, wife, gardener and cook. She sets down her bags (a purse and one for the gym) and rushes into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. She waves hello to her co-workers and walks quickly into a meeting. Cat sits next to her work husband, Mark, and he squeezes her knee beneath the table before their boss begins to speak. The day races by–she works hard and she’s good at her job. We know this, of course. The sun has set by the time she leaves work and once again she is on the street looking for a cab. In the back of the taxi she texts her friends and checks for late work emails on her blackberry. She has to sift through her purse to find her wallet to pay the driver. The girls laugh and drink through dinner talking about their lives and also about facebook. No one can believe Cat doesn’t have it on her blackberry.
After a fun dinner with friends she is back at her small apartment seated on the sofa with a glass of wine. The TV and her computer are on. Her work clothes are gone and she’s in a pair of comfortable pajamas. A new message comes up on her Facebook page.
“Oh my god,” she can’t believe it. Her boyfriend from freshman year in college. She texts her friend, Hallie, to see what she thinks. Hallie says friend him, who cares it’s just online. She opens a reply and takes a sip of wine. She wants to sound witty but fun and isn’t sure where to begin. She looks at his picture again and instantly remembers the tattered t-shirts he wore all freshman year. Hi, she finally begins. A loud snoring interrupts her concentration and she looks toward the ceiling.
“Oh god, not again,” she takes a sip of wine and patiently waits for the next loud snore. It fades into the background and she turns again to her computer and to Nick.
–How are you? It’s great to hear from you. Where are you now?—she can see where he is, it’s on his homepage, but it feels ok to ask–I’m in
Cat hits send and smiles. Ten seconds later a reply appears.
Great to hear from you! Glad to hear you’re doing well. I’m in
She wants to respond immediately but doesn’t want to seem over eager. Her heart beats a little faster and she considered shutting down the computer. Instead she replies.
I always thought you’d end up a lawyer in DC. How’s your family? What have you been up to for the last ten years?
She takes a big swig of her wine and looks at her empty glass trying to decide whether a refill is acceptable. The clock reads almost 11:00 p.m. and she knows she should get to bed, but what the hell, she thinks, I deserve a little excitement. They send messages back and forth for the next two hours. She laughs aloud on her sofa as she read the tales of his early twenties. Why didn’t we work out? She wonders. When he finally signs off for the night she breathes a sigh of relief. At least she can get to bed now. She puts the empty bottle of wine in the recycling and falls asleep with a smile on her purple wine stained lips.
self-loathing - just around the corner
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